event : : passed

april 3rd, 2014. i put a count down to my 30th birthday, which was exactly 1000 days. the plan was, to figure out my life and an overall happiness. i'll be honest. 2013-2014 was really tough for me. when i was younger i could never imagine myself as a 30 year old. quite frankly i always thought i'd die young, but here i am still alive, still surviving. a lot of people asked, at first, what it was all about. but i imagine after that first little wave, no one remembered what it was or what it was all about. to me it was a kept secret of what and why. 

i wanted to blog every single day, 1000 entries and evaluate my happiness on my 30th birthday. i went 243 straight days with an entry. at first the entries were blunt, honest, and spared no detail.

i woke up today and decided i was going to spend the day out at ubc. i've been having a lot of dreams about school and water, and i figured i should explore what it was kind of about. i woke up, had a little shower and got on the bus. i brought two 35mm cameras with me hoping to snap some pictures. i got on the bus and listened to some music and texted my friend (name withheld) to see if she wanted to get lunch, i felt like i owed her a lunch out at ubc, so what a perfect time. i got there before her and started to explore the campus. eventually i started walking as far west as i could to the ocean, but i couldn't get to it from there. i had to loop back north to the beach and take a trail. it was nice, i mean i hate the water, but it was almost serene to me. just me, some rocks and this water. i took some pictures, which i didn't think were very good, artistically, and it bummed me out. so i took some selfies with my phone and carried on. i walked down the beach more and the tide was so low i could walk out into the middle of the ocean and still be on sand. it was wild. i took a trail back to ubc and (name withheld) was too busy at work so i came home and played playstation with the boys before i went out on a date. to be honest i wasn't really looking forward to it because, it just seems to be one meaningless date after another. but i went anyway. the girl was really nice, but i didn't think she was feeling me, nor i was her. we went to a bar i like, but it was packed so we went to the pint. i had a bunch of double gins and went home. i got some pizza on my way home and spilled ranch sauce on my jeans and hoodie. but because i have really one pair of jeans in circulation, im going to have to wear these for at least another week - great. when i got home i was texting a co-worker who gave me her number. things got interesting. she was actually very aggressive about it, and i dont play that shit so i didn't advance on it. 

then as time went on, i stopped caring.

went to get kfc. hung out at home.

eventually i gave up. what's the point. what was the point. if i was writing down every single detail, was it to remember? was it to build up experiences that maybe weren't that much to begin with. i gave up writing down everything because i thought i'd remember the important things anyway. 

now that the 1000th day passed, and that i am 30. i went back and read all 243 entries. its sad. i remember most of the events, even the minuscule 'ate kfc, hung out at home'. my timer is counted down to zero and displays 'event : : passed'. a reminder of what once was.

i was never scared for my 30's. it's just, where i'm from you have a house, kids, by your mid 20's or earlier. i could never imagine myself in these positions. working, with a career, and a house, responsibilities, etc, i just tried to keep everything carefree. it hurt me in the long run, not preparing for future, but i guess i have some experiences under my belt worth mentioning, worth holding on to. so i'll stick around for another 1000 days and see what is up then, and get back to you. a lot can happen in 1000 days. a lot did happen in 1000 days. i guess i'm glad i got to see all of them. 

cody bownComment